Relentless

I don't know how normal it is, to be relentless.

Actually I had to look up the word in the dictionary, and it didn't really correspond to my original understanding of the word. The dictionary says:implacable, inflexible, inexorable, or sustained, unremitting... In another word, a relentless person is a hard person to deal with.

Ok, another word, restless.

I've used this other word to describe myself, but not recently. However, it is an apt description of me anyhow. I've been a bit restless, nothing visible, but deep down inside.

The story goes back to the time we returned from China trip, that was 5th of August, c. 2 weeks ago. At that time I was really really tired, I've spent 3.5 weeks in China, in the heat and traveling, talking, discussing, caring, leading, guiding, preparing... The whole time, almost the whole time, I didn't slow down or really had peaceful / quiet time of my own. From my earlier experience, I know this combination of heat, busyness, and constant change is going to hurt, at some point.

Well it hit home when I got home. In a way I was really relieved to return to Finland, to the peace and quietness, to have some time of my own, so I could read Bible, draw close to God and come back to terms with myself and Him and the world. But it wasn't that easy. Despite the seemingly quietness, peacefulness, nothing happens by itself. I haven't been able to really reach the equilibrium I've wanted, not that I know what kind of state I want to reach, but that I know I'm not in a state I want to be.

This shift or displacement has begun way earlier in the Spring time already. Barely visible or noticeable, it strikes in little by little, until it is revealed and observed. I basically woke up to this already earlier, but didn't have any time to do anything about it. Absurd. Then last Tuesday in the prayer meeting at chrch, a young guy testified about his experience, that he had lead a life of faith, seeking to serve and seeking the guidance of God. But recently he came to understand, or God had revealed to him, that he had forgotten to seek God Himself, but rather seeking only the outer things: place to serve, future, friends, acceptance of men. Nothing wrong itself, but really, when man loses the point, it doesn't help no matter what good things man tries to achieve.

Now I've found the problem, actually it's been in my mind for a while already: I am too busy. I have been successful in many ways, which has lead to doing a lot of good things, but forgetting or actually distancing myself from the most important: my beloved Father, my Lord and Saviour, my Counselor and Constant Helper. Without the relationship, whatever I have or do don't have any meaning.

So, I want to get back to the basics, the relationship with God, with Jesus. Not only know how to lead a godly life, but really getting into the source of that godly life.

Easier said than done, but fortunately it's not about me, but all about Him. Lord have mercy, Lord will have mercy. Amen.

It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You,
For Your glory and Your fame
It's not about me, as if You should do things my way
You alone are God and I surrender
To Your Ways.

Addictions of life, going unnoticed

It's been unforgivably long time since my last post, and actually I still have a half post in the draft -folder, but this short (?) post is triggered by the fact that I'll be out from country for a month, thus wouldn't be able to blog for a while.

Recently the work has been too busy. For some years I've been busy during weekends and then could go to work to take a rest (figuratively), but now I haven't been able to rest at work... This is no excuse, maybe I have too much going on?

Talking about addictions, I really think everyone is addicted to something. At least the life style one has, the regularity of everyday life, is very addictive. We are just not used to use this word to describe it, rather words like "routine" or "schedule". These are somethings we seldom notice, but only after years of similarity we wake up at some moment and look back, holding our breath, and amazed at the "routines" or life patterns we've had. These are not necessarily evil or bad, just that we tend to miss the moments and just go on with life. That would be sad.

There are of course other kind of addictions that are really called addictions. I've been playing facebook poker fo some weeks now, sometimes more, sometimes less. It's a harmless, well, seeminly harmless way to explore my own addictive nature. And yes, I have an addictive nature. In my life I've been addicted few times: some computer games, some sports, but thank God I've stayed sober in most areas of my life. It's not because I'm good, but just that I've been "lucky", or in this case enjoyed God's grace.

Anyhow, with poker it is really interesting to notice the thoughts going through my head when playing a hand, with good hand and with not-so-good hand. When losing, the tendency to want to get it back. When winning, the tendency to want more. When nothing happening, the tendency to go all-in. This helps me to understand those who are addicted, but I really learned that it's easy to go cracy at the poker table! Despite the reasoning, despite the help of other people, once I "sit" at the table, the adrenaline of gambling rises to its heights. Without a big win it's impossible to leave the table satisfied, and this kind of addiction is the reason for broken families and broken lives...

Personally I'm an easy-to-get-addicted type, maybe all men are? That's not an excuse. However, because I have a lot of things to do, I have friends and people around me, I'm not allowed to just stay home and play games/poker. In addition, the most important is, I know what is right and wrong, with absolute standards. This knowledge helps me eventually to overcome the addictions, and going "cold-turkey" doesn't even feel that bad.

All in all, addictions are serious stuff, easy to get and hard to give up. Fortunately Jesus himself faced addictions of religious people, sinful people, constant wrongs of sinful nation, and still prevailed. Jesus is forgiving, helping, calling, and embracing every human being who wants to come to Him. It's an astonishing truth that changes lives, changed mine, and can change yours.

First step is to come to the truth, and Jesus is the truth. Then I could go on to explain whole story of repentance, forgiveness, renewal and sanctification, but I'm running out of time here. :) The bottom line is, addictions of life easily ground us to the muddy earth and block the view of heaven. One can be happy only when gazing upon the countenance of the true God, sitting in His lap and twiddling at His court. This is what we are called to, eagles rising above the earthlies and soaring on the winds of Love. Never become a chicken in life, but spread the wings like an eagle! (Pertti's sermon few week's back) Those who wait upon the Lord.

Yeah, off to China now, soaring with Finnair this time. :) God is good, always. And where the Spirit of God is, there is heaven present. I wish to remember this and live according to this truth. I wish same to you my reader. God speed.

Hail the Caesar!

Well, Veni Vidi Vici, here I come.

Today I finally became the Emperor of China, after many hours of battles, training, economy development, human relationships, recruiting of troops and generals, conquering city after city and building barracks and crossing rivers, I've done it!

Maybe you already understand that I've been playing computer games, heh. To be exact, I played one game, named The History of Three Kingdoms (literal translation), which has its roots in the famous Chinese book The Three Kingdoms. Anyhow, the game was rather addictive at beginning, full of challenge. Towards the end it lost its glory, mainly due to me being so superior to the computer adversaries (perhaps also because I chose the basic level of AI to play with). Many hours wasted, but historical and some geographical knowledge gained.

Above all, cultural adherence to Chinese university students have been gained.. I heard that this was / is the most popular game that Chinese uni students play, mostly male uni students. Someone can comment if this is not correct. Now I can say that I understand better the "inner world" of those young people addicted to this kind of strategic computer games. Helps me in counselling sessions.. ? :P

Anyhow, addiction, it is a huge topic and I'll go on to discuss it in the next post entry, in due time. It's good to talk about it, my experiences and explore the nature of it and the ways to overcome it. Such is life.

Btw. I'm rather happy Finnish national hockey team didn't get too far in this year's world championships, otherwise I would've spent many more hours watching their game and reading their stories... :)