In a Time When Nobody Cares

It certainly has been a while since the last article here. Frankly, I do not feel sorry about it. Or perhaps a little.

Writing is a very therapeutic art, cleansing the inner self by organizing thoughts and emotions into sequels of words. Writing during the deep night is even more therapeutic: one sees oneself reflected in writing, quietly, silently, humming away the words which are never heard during the busy moments of daytime.

Nobody cares. This can be a subtle statement about current society. This can also be the tune played in the deep night of the soul. This might simply express the cynical view about life. This might be a weighty accusation towards everyone around. This is me.

Realizing how I change, it is both bewildering and commonplace. People tend to change, it's just that nobody cares. Usually people notice the change in themselves only when major incidents happen, and they react to them in a way that totally surprises themselves. And it is usually not in the manner one would like it to be. well, nobody cares.

Not being cynical or sarcastic, I have simply come to realize: nobody cares. This mantra so well suits the society I current dwell in, possibly addressing its biggest wound at the same time as pointing to the unfortunate indulgence of human nature. People, we, have been marred by sin, which causes us to be self-centered and twisting the truth, deceiving ourselves into ignorance. No wonder "ignorance is a bliss", it truly is.

On a bit more positive note: in a time when nobody cares, the cold cold society creates an immense desire in people to find warmth, feel cared for, and share the coldness of Winter of their souls. Sharing creates warmth, caring creates hope, courage creates faith. Failures create pain, and failures cause cynicism. What a sad sad time.

Holding on to the most precious source of life, love, joy, happiness, hope, faith, courage, and power, I feel obliged to care. Despite the lack of responses, despite my own ups and downs, the road I know to be worthy, I must continue to travel. Let there be more and more joining me on this road, more hearts touched by this life, more justice done in this place, more hope spread in this time. I believe, and I live. Soli Deo Gloria!

Book of Revelation, Chapter 2, verses 1-7:
 “To the angel of the church in Ephesus write:
  These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands. I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.
  Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.
  Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.

The New International Version. (2011). (Re 2:1–7). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Self-Deception - Best Friend and Worst Enemy

The landscape of our hearts? Open peaks and hidden valleys.

Now I am arriving at a topic that has long been acutely interesting to me. The reason for this interest is due to the paradoxical and multi-layered nature of the issue.

Self-deception, as Wikipedia defines it, is "highly debated and occasionally argued to be an impossible phenomenon" (accessed 18th Nov. 2012). Through this difficulty, Wikipedia has chosen the definition for Self-deception as "a process of denying or rationalizing away the relevance, significance, or importance of opposing evidence and logical argument". I will provide another aspect to this.

First of all, the opposite of self-deception could be defined as "awakening". This is my proposal. The concept of awakening implies that the self-deceived is in a state of sleeping, or living in a dream world, away from the reality and truth.

Okey, Matrix or MIB kind of movies have done a good job of enlarging our perception regarding what is "true" and what is "The Matrix". However, our capability to conceive and handle these concepts is an ample proof of our ability to live in self-deception. According to one of Triver's theories, self-deception is a side-product of our ability to think abstractly (Wikipedia). However, debate still exists whether self-deception is an innate characteristic of human nature or it is a learned trait through experience to achieve certain goals (Wikipedia).

Here I propose another root cause analysis: the human nature in its original perfect state did not comprehend false or true, because all things were true and the environment was perfect, because God the Creator was perfect. Due to the choice to disobey God, in a seemingly positive desire to learn more (about good and evil), Adam and Eve broke out from perfection and entered into so-called "abstract thinking". This new state is called "the fallen state of mankind", and it can as well be described as "the state of sin".

Now, so much about the definitions and root cause analysis, I will give some applications of this item. Applications of real life implications, let us start with a well-known psychological concept, the Johari Window:

The implications here are obvious: both the Hidden Self and Unknown Self areas of ourselves are more than vulnerable to self-deception. Of course some can argue that the Unknown Self area lies more in the sub-consciousness, thus cannot be classified as deception - how can one conceal something if not even aware of it? But looking from an objective point of view, or frankly, from Divine point of view, the facts are there even though the person is not aware of it, and it is also self-deception since the person is not aware that he is not aware of it. Getting confused? Please don't, following examples could help to clarify.

Let's take a Western lady as an example, purely imaginary. Aged around 60, she has gone through a multitude of life situations. As a Christian, she has heard about all the Biblical truths there can be preached about.
PUBLIC SELF: she is fully aware of her way of talking to others, how people perceive her as a nice lady with a tender heart, which she certainly is and knows it herself.
PRIVATE SELF: she knows things about herself which others do not know, such as a tendency to dress properly according to situations, caused by the fear of being humiliated publicly. Or, that she is a huge fan of a young and handsome pop-singer but dares not to admit it.
HIDDEN SELF: she does not know this about herself, but everybody around her observes it clearly: she is obsessed with speaking in a "correct" manner, always stressing certain vocals or using certain expressions. She might not like herself doing it if she realized it.
UNKNOWN SELF: she might have some childhood dreams which she has already forgotten, but which still affects her desires and causes her to get excited at certain thoughts or ideas, e.g. traveling to a far country somehow attracts her but she has never stepped out from her home country. Another aspect is mostly cultural, she might not be as individualistic as younger generation, but she blindly believes in the goodness and truthfulness of public authorities and media.

Then let's take a Chinese young lady as an example, purely imaginary. Aged around 20, she just started university and is dating her childhood adoration, a popular young man in the neighboring university.
PUBLIC SELF: she is successful, attractive looking, good in her studies and a good girl at home. Everybody agrees about these.
PRIVATE SELF: she has some bad habits such as chatting online with unknown guys hoping to get some fun out of it. Also, she might really hate living with her parents but cannot show it publicly because it is held as inappropriate. She might dream about running away with her handsome boyfriend but definitely cannot say it aloud.
HIDDEN SELF: others see the proud side of her, a bit arrogant in dealing with other people and some issues. Still others see her tendency to be a spoiled princess, being selfish and self-centered. Usually nobody tells her these things, even her boyfriend, because he thinks it is cute, so far.
UNKNOWN SELF: she does not recognize the imbalance inside of her, due to the culture she is immersed in. For example she used all her attractiveness to entice her current boyfriend to leave his ex-gf, and she did not pity the other girl at all, because all these seem natural to her. She will also devout herself to love her bf totally, surrendering everything to him because he is so handsome and good etc. She does not know why she loves in this way, or is this even real love? In short, she does not recognize her behavioral patterns as right or wrong, but just follows them, as everybody else does.

All the examples above might not be orthodoxy according to Johari model, but they are my applications. As this text nears its end, I am finally approaching my claims and reasons.

If the road is clear, it will be good to travel.

All over the world, I have met people from different social classes, backgrounds, age groups, religions, and family conditions. I have seen many positive traits in many people, but I have also observed many negative characteristics of many people. One of the most painful traits/characters that I have seen/experienced is Self-deception.

Self-deception is so subtle that it tarries with us long time, deceiving us, drags us from true freedom and happiness. Self-deception is not caused by others but rather by ourselves (of course the spiritual adversary and the surrounding world have their parts to play). Self-deception is the single most destructive force in individual lives, preventing us to see ourselves as we really are, putting us on a misty mountain road that is full of pits and falls. Self-deception is the single most dangerous enemy we are facing in ourselves. And we are not facing it.

Ignoring to know myself is to ignore my true self, negligence has a price to pay, if not now then eventually. How, then, can I detect self-deception and overcome the pitfalls and destructive effects it brings to my life? The answer is simple but multifaceted: Jesus. Jesus is the only man who has NOT been tangled in self-deception, and He has meant us to learn from Him, to imitate Him, to follow Him. As the perfect man and perfect God, His divinity does not take away His "accomplishments" as a man, thus here are some clues for us to challenge ourselves, to fight against self-deception：

• Acknowledge that you are vulnerable to be self-deceived
• Have motivation to become "awakened"
• Check your life, objectively compare to Jesus, and see what will you notice in yourself that you have missed earlier
• Be honest with God, and you will hear His honest words to you
• This activity requires the Holy Spirit of God - without Him this will lead to desperation and further deception
• Become teachable, find trustworthy friends/pastors/teachers/mentors to help you
• Let them tell you the truth, they are very helpful especially in the HIDDEN SELF area
• Let them instruct you according to the Bible, "work out your salvation with fear and trembling" (Paul's letter to Philippians, 2:12-13)
• "To work out what God had worked in", live in a way that manifests the saving work God has done in you. (p.42, Roger, 2004, Opening Up Philippians)
•  Find out about cultural issues that hold you back from truth
• Such as behavioral patterns, thought patterns, wrong value system, or missing links of truth
• Remember, it will be a process, but a rich and profitable process! Oh, and it takes the rest of your life time. :)
• You forsake self-deception to gain spiritual and personal growth
• You forsake falsehood to gain truth，and the truth will enable you to be free from bondage and lies
• You might loose a couple of seemingly good friends, just to gain more real good friends
• You might loose some fun, but you will gain everlasting joy and happiness

Self-deception is your best friend, when you want to embrace yourself with self-pity and indulge yourself with temporary relief of pain.
Self-deception is your worst enemy, when you want to be true to yourself and everyone around you. It is also your worst enemy on your road to personal growth, blocking your way to spiritual maturity.
Self-deception is your worst enemy if you want to fully enjoy life and have some everlasting impact in this world.

Only by knowing myself better can I better surrender myself to God.

Culture Shock - Now I Got It

Some layers of society:
pure and dirty,
rich and poor,
beauty and ugliness,
God and human,
wrong and right,
injustice and righteousness,
faith and foolishness.

Hah, finally.

Culture shock struck me, kinda of. Recently, after returning from the happy relaxing holiday period, there has been more challenges in everyday life compared to previous period. Challenges have related to dealing with rules and ways of handling things by various entities of this society, human relationship challenges at workplace near me or facing me, experiencing the frustration of common local people towards several areas of life, and all these magnified by increasing tiredness due to workload / flight delays / spontaneous extra responsibilities.

The result is multifold:
- Aggravated spirit inside me towards some on-going issues
- Lack of patience or love to deal with these issues
- Lack of prayerful mind to ask help from above
- Turning to human wisdom and abilities
- Twisted view on things and even people, reflected in less polite or gentle behavior
- Finally, sighs under "heavy burden" and realizing, this is what some people have warned me about. At the same time, sighs expressing frustration and the inability to make a difference.

"You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek, You are my all in all."

Tired, bombarded, kind of wasted, I felt the urge to pour out my heart into this blog posting. Then, something happened. I saw that recently this blog post has been frequently visited:
SLR: An Application of Agape Principles in Chinese Culture
Amazed, this was the exact teaching I needed today! It has biblical basis, correct emphasis, and exact tools for me to deal with people around me, starting myself. The objective truth and subjective truth, the genuineness spiced with empathy, and the warm embrace of grace - all speak of the mighty God I have.

Culture shock or not, I know again where should I be heading to in those issues, practicing what  I know to be right, and draw close to the source of my joy and my strength. Thank you God for your wonderful work, your presence, your care, and your divine guidance.

 "As for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last He will take His stand on the earth."
- Job 19:25

At the last He will take His stand on the earth. smiley

Greetings from Afar

It so happened that the month of May went by without a blog post. Perhaps I could catch up in June.

Recently we have received few greetings from back home. These greetings have come in different formats, some emails, some letters, some cards, some as useful utensils. We have been very grateful for these greetings, and they have brought tears to our eyes.

Today I received an email from an elder lady, whose family I have met only a couple of times. We have served together in her church when I have visited the town she lives in. We are not that close, but this is what made her letter so special: she was so caring and sharing, that I really felt the hearty love she and her family have towards us. Far away, they are praying for us. We share same faith, same Spirit, same God. We each have our challenges and hardships, but together we march on. Soldiers of Christ.

Yes, being far away is special, and those greetings from afar are the diamonds shining the light from above into our dusty everyday life. I treasure these greetings, I treasure these people. I treasure the family I have in Christ. What a width, length, height, and depth of the love of Christ! (Ephesians 3:18)

Thank you, and just to let you know: you are dear to us, and we also pray for you.

The fields of my home village, where I visited for grandma's funerals

Making tents, everyday

Sitting in the airport chair, looking at the check-in queue, soon we will also check-in our huge amount of luggage, then it will be done.

After my previous post there has been many adventures and experiences, so much that I have started to feel numb about it all. We are on our way, in the air or somewhere in between, and that's it. Perhaps now is a good time to reflect on the nature of life for a tent maker.

Making tents is not about profession or exercise, it's about a way of life. When I am totally surrendered to Christ, no matter where I am and which people I meet, I will be an active testimony for Him. It's not how much I talk about Him, it's about how much I look like Him in character.

Tentmaking is easy, but it requires total submission in order to be effective. Everyday, we can either pitch our own tent or contribute to the glorious Kingdom of Christ, what will you choose?

SLR: Christ - the Answer for All Things

The emergence of various new religious movements in Western society during the past decades have produced imminent shadows over the orthodox Christianity and especially the faith of individual Christians. Among the various new movements there are challenges from traditional religions such as Islam and Buddhism, as well as vast amount of "new" movements ranging from New Age to Theosophy, Transcendental Meditation to Unification church. Unfortunately the main stream churches are not responding to these challenges, mainly neglecting their existence or relying on active individuals to produce apologetics for Christianity.

The most challenging new movements that affect Christian individuals seem to be pseudo-Christian beliefs, for example Jehovah's Witnesses, Unity School of Christianity, and a diversity of legalistic Messianic Jewish teachings. Most of the "new" movements are not new in themselves, but reflect the ideologies from Arianism, Gnosticism, Eastern Mystics, and salvation through deeds. The answer to all these ideologies lies in the person of Jesus Christ, and the letter to Colossians is Paul's way of presenting this solution.

Paul attacks the word fullness (pleroma), which was frequently used by false teachers to present their ideologies, by presenting Christ as the fullness of God in creation (1:15-18), fullness of God in redemption (1:19-23), and fullness of God in the church (1:24-2:7). Creation is upheld by Christ and under His authority, redemption is fully accomplished by Christ and only through Him, and the church exists only because Christ is the head of it. No other ideologies or doctrines are needed, Christ is the fullness of these things and His followers should:
2:6-8 ... continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.

Paul then continues to present Christ as the answer to human philosophy (2:8-10), warning against Jewish legality (2:13-17), cure against oriental mysticism (2:18-19), and rebuke against carnal asceticism (2:21-3:1). It is amazing that despite the clear warnings of the Bible, moderns Christians still fall away into human philosophy, Jewish legality and New Age ideology. It looks like Christians are saying that Christ is not enough, they need something more, something better to make their lives worth living. The saddest situation is when all backsliding is done in the sincere purpose of glorifying God and seeking to find the "lost truth" that would cure all problems of church.

Paul depicts Christ as the Full Knowledge (epignosis), indicating that in His simplicity He is the true knowledge, the glorious mystery of God: "Christ in you, the hope of glory" (1:27). If a Christian thinks that this is not enough, he can stray into human wisdom or Jewish legality, which provide seemingly good answers to spiritual growth and maturity, but eventually turns out to be hollow and shallow compared to the firm assurance provided by Christ. Paul exhorts us (3:15-17):

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. 
And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.


For the modern people involved in new religious movements, Christ still offers the best solution to your problems of sin, frustration of continuous failures, cynical view on life, and vanity of all affairs. Compared to Hindu/Buddhist world view Christ offers hope of salvation and an active attitude to deal with life. Compared to Chinese wisdom and world view Christ offers not only high ethical standards, but the power and means to achieve and keep them. For the animists living in constant fear and uncertainty, Christ offers joy of life and freedom from all fear and bondage. For the materialistic modern man, Christ offers freedom to choose differently, real value for life, and the love that penetrates thickest doubts and criticism.


My message to you is: Christ is real, not fake. He is the resurrected Lord of all creation, and He wants to be the Lord of your life as well. Will you submit to His superiority and surrender your limited wisdom and knowledge into His use? Will you give Him a chance to manifest His great love and power into your life? Do not be tempted by the wonderful promises of new religious movements or traditional religions, they do not contain the fullness of life. 


Jesus said: Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life. (John 7:37, 4:14).

Sources used:
Robertson, Irvine. 1991. What the Cults Believe. Chicago, Illinois: The Moody Bible Institute.
Stewart, James A. 1965. Christ is All - Studies in Colossians. Philadelphia, PA: Revival Literature.
Tenney, Merrill C. 1985. New Testament Survey. Grand Rapids, Michigan: WM. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.


Please give me feedback in the comments about:
What did you like best about the student's presentation?
How could the student improve in the way he or she participated?
What other words of encouragement do you have for the student?
Please indicate your relationship to the student (also your name if you want).

SLR - An Application of Agape Principles in Chinese Culture

Introduction

SLR stands for Service Learning Requirement, which is part of my studies done for each Global University course. This blog entry is my way to fulfill the service learning requirement of the course Human Relationships. Please help me to develop my thought by giving comments/feedback! You can use the comment -field below or send me mail. The feedback could include: What did you like best about the student's presentation? How could the student improve in the way he or she participated? What other words of encouragement do you have for the student? Please indicate your relationship to the student (also your name if you want).

Background for Agape

Agape is the Greek word for love, but not just any kind of love. When studying the Greek language used in the first century and in the New Testament of the Bible, it is found that there existed four different words to describe the word love we use in English. The word philia was usually used to describe the loving relationship between friends; the word storge was usually used to describe familia love between parents and their children, also siblings; the word eros was used to describe sexual and sensual love, emphasizing on sexual passion; the word Agape was used to describe the love that “seeks nothing but another's highest good”. In Christian faith Agape is used to describe the love of God toward the mankind: self-sacrificing, actively seeking response, long-suffering, and everlasting.

The greatest demonstration of Agape was the incarnation, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Why? Incarnation, because God Himself loved people so much that He was willing to become one in order to bring people to Him, this showed the humility and activeness of Agape. Life, because Jesus lived a life full of Agape towards everyone who was in need, healing people, forgiving sins, breaking bondages, and glorifying God the Father. Death, because He died to accomplish Agape, death being the purpose of His incarnation and life, the price to be paid for the lack of Agape in all humankind. Resurrection, because He can then continue to love the mankind actively, with victory from death and over the devil. In addition to those mentioned, the second coming of Jesus in the end of the world will demonstrate that “in eternity, Agape is fully realized, faith and hope will have done their work”.

One Challenge for Agape in Chinese Context

Now as a Christian, how does the Agape of God affect my life? The course Human Relations has helpfully described the role Agape should play in recognizing myself, growing into maturity, and handling human relationships. In the text below, I aim to examine one practical area in Chinese culture that acutely needs Agape. I am fully aware that I will someday be facing below mentioned situations, thus I want to be prepared and know what to do when that day comes. Preparation really helps implementation!

In Chinese culture, one major fact about human relationships is guanxi, the basic dynamic in personalized networks of influence (reference can be found in Wikipedia). In a successful human relationship one must know what to expect from the other and what the other person is expecting from you. In China, simple trust between people just does not exist, especially nowadays when moral shift in Chinese society is ongoing and shame is not anymore the prevalent motivation for actions or no actions. For example, there are many stories in the news where people have killed/robbed their family members to gain money or other valuables, not even talking about misbehaviors in sexual areas that have permeated whole society. Without further politicizing the situation, I claim that democracy is of no help. The wicked human nature, when no morals or conscience is holding back, is easily destroying Chinese society.

If I am living in China and a friend/relative comes to see me from far away, I need to politely welcome him and receive him into my home (possibly for an extended period of time). I would not have riches or valuable at home anyways, but can I trust that this friend/relative will not try to misuse my hospitality and possibly mistreat my wife and child(ren)? This lack of trust is even more serious if I know that this friend/relative has had unworthy tendencies in the past, or that he is involved in bad company or addicted to gambling. When thinking about this kind of situations, every cell in me becomes defensive and I am tempted to start planning other options for his stay. In addition, I would not be able to treat him with heartfelt warmth and sincere welcome. Lack of trust can always be sensed and detected. As a Christian, what should I do in the situation?

Agape as The Answer

First, I need to articulate to myself the goals I want to achieve when encountering this friend/relative. As a Christian, I really want to relate to him, help him in whatever way I can, and ultimately help him to experience the love of God and surrender to Him. I do not want to just create a good guanxi and later on perhaps enjoy his counter-service. In fact, I do not even want to think that way, because it pollutes my motives. I want to be sincerely interested in him, helping him to succeed in every aspect of his life, and then rejoice with him when looking back in time. Then, how can I successfully keep a pure motive and reach my goals, still acknowledging the risks and dangers involved?

I find the answer to be the Agape -love of God! Taking Jesus as my role model: incarnation: if I move to China, my main motivation should be Agape towards people and not to enjoy myself; life: I should not be living for myself, but be ready to sacrifice and meet the needs of the needy; death: this aspect speaks to me the severity of sacrifices, if Jesus gave His all and my everything is from Him, should not I also be ready to give my everything to His cause? The resurrection and second coming of Jesus assures me of the ultimate reward I will get: to hear Him say “Well done, good and faithful servant!” (Matthew 25:23, NIV).

Assuming the premises given in the above paragraph, are there any practical tools that can help me to deal with the friend/relative? Fortunately the answer is yes. First of all, to exercise Agape requires commitment and truth. The concept truth here comprehends both objective and subjective truth. I am committed and have found objective truth about this relationship (the worst cases it could present itself), I have also analyzed myself and my motives to find subjective truth about my intentions. This part is clear, but certainly needs re-evaluation every now and then, especially when a described situation approaches.

The next step, then, is to apply Agape principles in this relationship. First of all, genuineness toward the other person forms the basis for mutual trust. I should be able to open myself to him, honestly telling him my thoughts and opinions, even my fears about his situation (in a culturally sensitive way). With genuineness I want to be empathetic to his weaknesses and difficulties, really interested in him and expressing my compassion to him. In addition to those, the third basic attitude I should have is a warm embrace of grace, which indicates that I accept him as he is, really holding him as my friend/relative, and not a bad guy to be feared. With these basic attitudes I believe God can work in him and help him to open up and trust me, increasing mutual understanding and appreciation.

During the formation of a closer relationship, and even after that, I should absolutely follow certain principles that define Agape -love. One such principle could be not giving him money but actually get involved in his life and pay his bills when necessary. Money, gifts, service and counter service are all great dangers to the Agape relationships in China, simply because the society is corrupted by misbehaviors in these areas. Without clear principles I would not be able to treat people equally. Though it might sound easy, I am still in process of defining suitable principles and limits for those areas. These issues must be clarified before a possible move to China, because these issues come up immediately when stepping out from airplane. One good principle could be: love without questioning, but no need to be foolish. :)

Besides principles, I need effective communication to really reach my friend/relative. Though I know the culture and understand many of the connotations in speech and communication, it is not self-evident that I can communicate my message clearly and politely to others. Actually, even communicating in same culture and with similar background, we all need to practice effective communication everyday! Effective listening will open up a totally new world for a person not used to it, direct messaging will help to clarify messages and avoid misunderstanding, and conflict resolution is a skill everyone needs either in family, church, or workplace. My goals for effective communication would be to politely and accurately express my thoughts, with sensitivity to the circumstances, and in a congruent way. May God help me in this process.

Summary

After all is said and written, I must confess that the basic challenge remains: how to live a life fulfilled with Agape -love towards myself and others. This is something we all can practice anywhere, anytime, and with everyone. There will certainly be mistakes and failures along the way, but I am positively labeling the whole process as growth. Holy Spirit works in us by giving us wisdom, patience, understanding, faith, hope, and Agape -love. For God, all things are possible. If I manage to deal with even one friend/relative in China according to Agape principles, I am certain that there will be fruits. If he learns these things and continues to deal with people in his life in the similar way and so on, soon the society is changed. God has empowered us to love others as He loves us, let us rely on Him and not elude from His good purposes in our lives. Great opportunities and adventures, success stories and growth are available to all of us, everyday.

Philippians 3:14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. (NLT)

Ps. Now the comments and feedback, thank you! :)

Friendship: Now and Back Then

Finally, I aim to clear my list of blog topics by posting the thoughts. This one is about friendship, what's different now and back then?

When I was a kid, friends came easy, because I was good at school and generally held to be a "good kid". This was of course in China, where the goodness of a person (even a kid) is measured by how useful he can be. Well, fortunately not always. Anyhow, I was a good kid, obedient to the teacher (mostly), diligent with my home works (comparatively), and eager to play with other kids (always). Friends meant having good time, being out from home and doing things other than school work. Friends came easy and brought many good adventures and joys of childhood.

Due to moving from China to Finland, I lost most of my childhood friends, simply because of lack of communication, and later on the lack of common topics to talk about. In Finland friendship is different: you are a friend if we get along, if we enjoy things together, and if we have time to be together. My early Finnish friends were from school, and church. The friends from church stayed quite well for some years to come, friends from school vanished mostly due to time and life.

I wasn't until high-school that I started to make best friends, the definition being: consciously forming and up-keeping the friendship. At the same time I experienced the possible shallowness of human relationships, in addition to the pain of having friends: separation by time and space is a vital part of any friendship on earth.

At some point, years later, I really felt that my heart was divided into many pieces, some left in USA with warmth, some left in Russia with appreciation, some left in China with a sense of belonging, some left all over Finland with smiles and fond memories. The pain of the divided heart became so great that I doubted my will to move anywhere anymore, I just wanted to settle. Until, a godly friend commented to my feelings: the divided heart is not a problem, as long as they are divided according to the will of God. Eureka! My pains settled, my heart stopped bleeding, and I started to value friendship with an open arm, again.

The recent years, due to dating, engagement, marriage, and eventually the birth of Viivi, I have found that the role of friendship has unfortunately decreased, quantitatively. There simply isn't enough time to care for the existing friendships, not even talking about creating new ones! I've felt sad that my path has been separated from my friends and we are growing apart. Family is of course top priority, but isn't there a way to keep up the friendships as well? The bottom line seems to be: our society (Finland) cruelly separates people into categories: children, teenagers, students/young adults, singles, couples, families, work communities, church communities, etc. Any lasting friendship between categories seems to be hard to establish, or keep up. Inevitably friends drift away, not willingly, but passively, time for sharing grows few, chances to travel or do things together become rare, even a deep discourse about vital issues has a time limit. I am sad, again.

The old saying goes: new friends are like silver, old friends are like gold. I want to treasure the gold God has bestowed in my life, at the same time I long for the ability to engage with new friends. Fortunately, family as such is not a restraint for new friendships, rather it opens up doors to a completely new world of people and lives. My current conclusion is thus: at every stage of life there are valuable friendships to be formed, and all friendships should be cherished and tended to. Everybody needs somebody, a friend is a friend, no matter the circumstances or time or space. "Friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them..." True friendship is also possible with people of different religion or worldview.

 Friendship, in its true sense, should never be despised nor overlooked.