When I was a kid, friends came easy, because I was good at school and generally held to be a "good kid". This was of course in China, where the goodness of a person (even a kid) is measured by how useful he can be. Well, fortunately not always. Anyhow, I was a good kid, obedient to the teacher (mostly), diligent with my home works (comparatively), and eager to play with other kids (always). Friends meant having good time, being out from home and doing things other than school work. Friends came easy and brought many good adventures and joys of childhood.
Due to moving from China to Finland, I lost most of my childhood friends, simply because of lack of communication, and later on the lack of common topics to talk about. In Finland friendship is different: you are a friend if we get along, if we enjoy things together, and if we have time to be together. My early Finnish friends were from school, and church. The friends from church stayed quite well for some years to come, friends from school vanished mostly due to time and life.
I wasn't until high-school that I started to make best friends, the definition being: consciously forming and up-keeping the friendship. At the same time I experienced the possible shallowness of human relationships, in addition to the pain of having friends: separation by time and space is a vital part of any friendship on earth.
At some point, years later, I really felt that my heart was divided into many pieces, some left in USA with warmth, some left in Russia with appreciation, some left in China with a sense of belonging, some left all over Finland with smiles and fond memories. The pain of the divided heart became so great that I doubted my will to move anywhere anymore, I just wanted to settle. Until, a godly friend commented to my feelings: the divided heart is not a problem, as long as they are divided according to the will of God. Eureka! My pains settled, my heart stopped bleeding, and I started to value friendship with an open arm, again.
The recent years, due to dating, engagement, marriage, and eventually the birth of Viivi, I have found that the role of friendship has unfortunately decreased, quantitatively. There simply isn't enough time to care for the existing friendships, not even talking about creating new ones! I've felt sad that my path has been separated from my friends and we are growing apart. Family is of course top priority, but isn't there a way to keep up the friendships as well? The bottom line seems to be: our society (Finland) cruelly separates people into categories: children, teenagers, students/young adults, singles, couples, families, work communities, church communities, etc. Any lasting friendship between categories seems to be hard to establish, or keep up. Inevitably friends drift away, not willingly, but passively, time for sharing grows few, chances to travel or do things together become rare, even a deep discourse about vital issues has a time limit. I am sad, again.
The old saying goes: new friends are like silver, old friends are like gold. I want to treasure the gold God has bestowed in my life, at the same time I long for the ability to engage with new friends. Fortunately, family as such is not a restraint for new friendships, rather it opens up doors to a completely new world of people and lives. My current conclusion is thus: at every stage of life there are valuable friendships to be formed, and all friendships should be cherished and tended to. Everybody needs somebody, a friend is a friend, no matter the circumstances or time or space. "Friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them..." True friendship is also possible with people of different religion or worldview.
Friendship, in its true sense, should never be despised nor overlooked.
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