Growth and Pride

Growth has continued, more visibly in Viivi but hopefully also in our lives.

Recently I've noticed something new in myself. It was a conference call at work, there were participants from all over the world (figuratively speaking) and I happened to be one of the guys participating actively, meaning that I actually talked and had an opinion. The novel thing was that there was another guy, who also talked quite much, and he held an opposite opinion, or actually we didn't even manage to reach same understanding about the issues under discussion. Anyhow, I noticed how I over-reacted to the attitude of the other guy and started to raise my voice, in the teleconference. Perhaps some of my colleagues were surprised at the new side found in me, I was surprised. At the end the discussion was over and I felt frustrated, partially because I over-reacted and partially because the other person was annoying to me.

I didn't know the other person, and usually I won't react like this. Or earlier I wouldn't, but now I did. I started to think about the reason for my attitude and sudden (outward) eruption of annoyance and bad temper. Surprisingly, I noticed that the root cause was the growth I've had in my professional skills and knowledge! I have grown as a professional in my field of expertise and I have become aware of it, acknowledging my "superior" knowledge base about certain topic and automatically counting everyone else less knowledgeable than myself. I call this pride, a new addition to my existing array of prides.

I was surprised because I never experienced this kind of pride. Ok, I've been proud over things I've managed to do well, but at work and at studies I've always had an attitude of learning. Nowadays I've gained experience at work, allowing myself to feel good about what I do, but at the same time producing the feeling that I know what I am doing, adding weight to every word I say about my field. This is something I don't like in other people, and now I find it in myself.

Pride comes in a sneaky way, when one is not expecting it. The devil fell prey to the trap of pride, when he didn't realize that he was losing the real ideal of his position vs. his Creator. Same pride is sneaking upon all of us every day. Each time I see myself in the light of God and recognize the pride in me, I eagerly shake it off and want to start anew. Then when time passes by it sneaks back in through different ways and paths, and I really need constant "check-in" with God to stay awake and keep shaking it off. Living in the Holy Spirit might also blind us from seeing the real-self that we are, because pride enters e.g. through the knowledge of "I'm doing great!" Paradox, another one.

I tend to think that this pride is what changes people, often unnoticed. So many stories of honest and just people, who become greedy and unjust after gaining position and power. It doesn't happen in a moment, but little by little pride takes ground in human heart, blinding the views and guiding into wrong direction. At some point one cannot even recognize the situation he is in, unless miraculously Holy Spirit opens his eyes through some accident or sickness. Paradox.

What is the learning? Growth brings pain but produces quality, this is the spiritual growth. Growth also adds responsibility, because the higher you climb the harder you fall, thus one needs to constantly be aware to not fall into the trap of pride. Growth in areas of material and skills, especially when bringing praises and adoration from other people, is leading into even more temptations towards pride. Human nature is so inclined to pride that it needs only a scent of self-sufficiency to start the engines of pride, and this engine has constant inflow of fuel and motivation to keep itself going and growing forever. The only cure is honesty and holy illumination, where the true nature of man is revealed and recognized, then the restoration can begin and fight against pride gets its chance. And this fight brings growth, adds pain, and produces quality.

Paradox. The paradox spoken by Jesus in the Gospel of Mark, chapter 8 and verses 34-37: "If anyone wants to come after me, he must say 'no' to himself. He must pick up his cross and follow me. If he wants to save his life, he will lose it. But if he loses his life for me and for the good news, he will save it. What good is it if someone gains the whole world but loses his soul? Or what can anyone trade for his soul?"

... weigh the options and calculate the costs, despise the temporary pleasure for the gain of eternal reward. I need to think about how to deal with this new pride in my life... :)

Growth Story

Lack of time, lack of sleep, lack of food (sometimes), and lack of exercise. Scary, but just a period in human life. Now we are experiencing this time, a time of growth.

For sure, everybody knows that babies grow, with amazing speed and still keeping it very natural. The growth of the parents is a topic not so often discussed. Maybe not all parents grow? We are certainly having room for growth, and experiencing it.

What, then, is the growth of parents? When everything is going well, everybody is happy and satisfied. When baby is crying relentlessly and seemingly without reason, the true nature of parents is tested. This is only the beginning, I understand. When the baby grows into a child having his/her opinions and own will, it will be totally another "fight".

This all leads me to ponder one thing: what kind of persons we really are? Are our habits and self-awareness ever challenged? Have we allowed other people or events to challenge what we are? To grow, by definition, means to change and leave something behind to gain something new. Thus if we are not willing even to admit the true status of the current, we can never even really want to progress with growth into the next.

In the cell conference our church arranged yesterday, there were many pearls said and discussed. One of the pearl is this statement: "True spiritual growth happens only in the interactions with people". The conclusions from this statement: one cannot grow spiritually only by watching sermons and services from internet; one cannot grow spiritually only by studying the Bible and praying; one cannot grow spiritually only by meditating and trying to change oneself. The only growth comes from the relationships with people, the good and bad within normal human relationships. Being open to communicate, to care for others and let others care for us, helps to see the current and to strive for the better.

Growth, thus, implicitly brings pain. Growth pain was a topic more common some years ago with some friends, but it's good to feel it all over, again and again. Only this way one can know life is moving on, new things are coming and growth is happening. By experiencing growth one should be able to understand others better, and also be able to bless other people with deeper understanding and accurate help.

Growth of Christians is truly possible only in the fellowship, congregation, cell groups. The Bible tells us about the importance of this: Letter to Hebrews, chapter 10, verse 25: " Let us not give up meeting together. Some are in the habit of doing this. Instead, let us cheer each other up with words of hope. Let us do it all the more as you see the day coming when Christ will return."

To be afraid of pain is normal, but it does not need to prohibit us from choosing the right thing, taking the more challenging road instead of just sitting on the comfort of living room sofa. At the end, when looking back, one can certainly see what kind of life has been worth living.

Pain is a gift from God to help us know ourselves better. I don't pray for pain to come, I pray to endure the pain that will be.

Cheers! :)