Self-Deception - Best Friend and Worst Enemy

The landscape of our hearts? Open peaks and hidden valleys.

Now I am arriving at a topic that has long been acutely interesting to me. The reason for this interest is due to the paradoxical and multi-layered nature of the issue.

Self-deception, as Wikipedia defines it, is "highly debated and occasionally argued to be an impossible phenomenon" (accessed 18th Nov. 2012). Through this difficulty, Wikipedia has chosen the definition for Self-deception as "a process of denying or rationalizing away the relevance, significance, or importance of opposing evidence and logical argument". I will provide another aspect to this.

First of all, the opposite of self-deception could be defined as "awakening". This is my proposal. The concept of awakening implies that the self-deceived is in a state of sleeping, or living in a dream world, away from the reality and truth.

Okey, Matrix or MIB kind of movies have done a good job of enlarging our perception regarding what is "true" and what is "The Matrix". However, our capability to conceive and handle these concepts is an ample proof of our ability to live in self-deception. According to one of Triver's theories, self-deception is a side-product of our ability to think abstractly (Wikipedia). However, debate still exists whether self-deception is an innate characteristic of human nature or it is a learned trait through experience to achieve certain goals (Wikipedia).

Here I propose another root cause analysis: the human nature in its original perfect state did not comprehend false or true, because all things were true and the environment was perfect, because God the Creator was perfect. Due to the choice to disobey God, in a seemingly positive desire to learn more (about good and evil), Adam and Eve broke out from perfection and entered into so-called "abstract thinking". This new state is called "the fallen state of mankind", and it can as well be described as "the state of sin".

Now, so much about the definitions and root cause analysis, I will give some applications of this item. Applications of real life implications, let us start with a well-known psychological concept, the Johari Window:

The implications here are obvious: both the Hidden Self and Unknown Self areas of ourselves are more than vulnerable to self-deception. Of course some can argue that the Unknown Self area lies more in the sub-consciousness, thus cannot be classified as deception - how can one conceal something if not even aware of it? But looking from an objective point of view, or frankly, from Divine point of view, the facts are there even though the person is not aware of it, and it is also self-deception since the person is not aware that he is not aware of it. Getting confused? Please don't, following examples could help to clarify.

Let's take a Western lady as an example, purely imaginary. Aged around 60, she has gone through a multitude of life situations. As a Christian, she has heard about all the Biblical truths there can be preached about.
PUBLIC SELF: she is fully aware of her way of talking to others, how people perceive her as a nice lady with a tender heart, which she certainly is and knows it herself.
PRIVATE SELF: she knows things about herself which others do not know, such as a tendency to dress properly according to situations, caused by the fear of being humiliated publicly. Or, that she is a huge fan of a young and handsome pop-singer but dares not to admit it.
HIDDEN SELF: she does not know this about herself, but everybody around her observes it clearly: she is obsessed with speaking in a "correct" manner, always stressing certain vocals or using certain expressions. She might not like herself doing it if she realized it.
UNKNOWN SELF: she might have some childhood dreams which she has already forgotten, but which still affects her desires and causes her to get excited at certain thoughts or ideas, e.g. traveling to a far country somehow attracts her but she has never stepped out from her home country. Another aspect is mostly cultural, she might not be as individualistic as younger generation, but she blindly believes in the goodness and truthfulness of public authorities and media.

Then let's take a Chinese young lady as an example, purely imaginary. Aged around 20, she just started university and is dating her childhood adoration, a popular young man in the neighboring university.
PUBLIC SELF: she is successful, attractive looking, good in her studies and a good girl at home. Everybody agrees about these.
PRIVATE SELF: she has some bad habits such as chatting online with unknown guys hoping to get some fun out of it. Also, she might really hate living with her parents but cannot show it publicly because it is held as inappropriate. She might dream about running away with her handsome boyfriend but definitely cannot say it aloud.
HIDDEN SELF: others see the proud side of her, a bit arrogant in dealing with other people and some issues. Still others see her tendency to be a spoiled princess, being selfish and self-centered. Usually nobody tells her these things, even her boyfriend, because he thinks it is cute, so far.
UNKNOWN SELF: she does not recognize the imbalance inside of her, due to the culture she is immersed in. For example she used all her attractiveness to entice her current boyfriend to leave his ex-gf, and she did not pity the other girl at all, because all these seem natural to her. She will also devout herself to love her bf totally, surrendering everything to him because he is so handsome and good etc. She does not know why she loves in this way, or is this even real love? In short, she does not recognize her behavioral patterns as right or wrong, but just follows them, as everybody else does.

All the examples above might not be orthodoxy according to Johari model, but they are my applications. As this text nears its end, I am finally approaching my claims and reasons.

If the road is clear, it will be good to travel.

All over the world, I have met people from different social classes, backgrounds, age groups, religions, and family conditions. I have seen many positive traits in many people, but I have also observed many negative characteristics of many people. One of the most painful traits/characters that I have seen/experienced is Self-deception.

Self-deception is so subtle that it tarries with us long time, deceiving us, drags us from true freedom and happiness. Self-deception is not caused by others but rather by ourselves (of course the spiritual adversary and the surrounding world have their parts to play). Self-deception is the single most destructive force in individual lives, preventing us to see ourselves as we really are, putting us on a misty mountain road that is full of pits and falls. Self-deception is the single most dangerous enemy we are facing in ourselves. And we are not facing it.

Ignoring to know myself is to ignore my true self, negligence has a price to pay, if not now then eventually. How, then, can I detect self-deception and overcome the pitfalls and destructive effects it brings to my life? The answer is simple but multifaceted: Jesus. Jesus is the only man who has NOT been tangled in self-deception, and He has meant us to learn from Him, to imitate Him, to follow Him. As the perfect man and perfect God, His divinity does not take away His "accomplishments" as a man, thus here are some clues for us to challenge ourselves, to fight against self-deception：

• Acknowledge that you are vulnerable to be self-deceived
• Have motivation to become "awakened"
• Check your life, objectively compare to Jesus, and see what will you notice in yourself that you have missed earlier
• Be honest with God, and you will hear His honest words to you
• This activity requires the Holy Spirit of God - without Him this will lead to desperation and further deception
• Become teachable, find trustworthy friends/pastors/teachers/mentors to help you
• Let them tell you the truth, they are very helpful especially in the HIDDEN SELF area
• Let them instruct you according to the Bible, "work out your salvation with fear and trembling" (Paul's letter to Philippians, 2:12-13)
• "To work out what God had worked in", live in a way that manifests the saving work God has done in you. (p.42, Roger, 2004, Opening Up Philippians)
•  Find out about cultural issues that hold you back from truth
• Such as behavioral patterns, thought patterns, wrong value system, or missing links of truth
• Remember, it will be a process, but a rich and profitable process! Oh, and it takes the rest of your life time. :)
• You forsake self-deception to gain spiritual and personal growth
• You forsake falsehood to gain truth，and the truth will enable you to be free from bondage and lies
• You might loose a couple of seemingly good friends, just to gain more real good friends
• You might loose some fun, but you will gain everlasting joy and happiness

Self-deception is your best friend, when you want to embrace yourself with self-pity and indulge yourself with temporary relief of pain.
Self-deception is your worst enemy, when you want to be true to yourself and everyone around you. It is also your worst enemy on your road to personal growth, blocking your way to spiritual maturity.
Self-deception is your worst enemy if you want to fully enjoy life and have some everlasting impact in this world.

Only by knowing myself better can I better surrender myself to God.

Satisfaction and happiness

Recently China Central TV made a street survey to "regular people" with a question: Are you happy? The answers were extraordinary. Actually, I have not seen this program and have not heard the answers, except those answers which happened to be extraordinary.

For example, one 20ish student (male), who was queuing to buy a train ticket, was asked by the reporter: What do you want the most? He answered: a girl friend. Reporter: what is the worst thing you have faced so far? Answer: while talking to you, so many people have bypassed me in the queue.

If you didn't get the fun of above reply, don't worry. It's much more fun in Chinese language, haha.

Anyhow, all those extraordinary answers, but the question is actually really simple and valid. Are you happy?

In China, people have a difficulty to define happiness! Perhaps it is same in many other parts of the world. What does it mean to be happy?

Reflecting on our recent life here, contentment and satisfaction come to my mind. Reflecting on the past many years of life, continuous contentment and satisfaction have been a significant "trademark". I could define my happiness in this way: being content and satisfied. This definition rises above the changes in life situations, working environments, living locations, or any other life situations. Proudly, I think this is in line with the Biblical definition of happiness: Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth (Paul's 1st Letter to Timothy, Chapter 6, verse 6. New Living Translation).

Elaborating the thought: why happiness requires both contentment and true godliness? This would come back to the question of the definition of happiness. Relativism argues that everyone can be happy in their own way; truth argues that there is one essential factor to enable happiness, without which there will not be true happiness. Relativism argues further that how can anyone define what is true for another; truth argues that horizontally nobody can define happiness for another, but vertically God has already defined it.

Ah the wonders of our post-modern society and world. Perhaps below picture illustrates the idea of relativism. :)

Another aspect to happiness: "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." (Paul's Letter to Philippians, Chapter 4, Verses 6-7. New Living Translation)

Can it be possible? You bet. Believing is happiness! Think about a child who fully believes in the abilities of her father/mother, what a happy child! I am content, now.

Culture Shock - Now I Got It

Some layers of society:
pure and dirty,
rich and poor,
beauty and ugliness,
God and human,
wrong and right,
injustice and righteousness,
faith and foolishness.

Hah, finally.

Culture shock struck me, kinda of. Recently, after returning from the happy relaxing holiday period, there has been more challenges in everyday life compared to previous period. Challenges have related to dealing with rules and ways of handling things by various entities of this society, human relationship challenges at workplace near me or facing me, experiencing the frustration of common local people towards several areas of life, and all these magnified by increasing tiredness due to workload / flight delays / spontaneous extra responsibilities.

The result is multifold:
- Aggravated spirit inside me towards some on-going issues
- Lack of patience or love to deal with these issues
- Lack of prayerful mind to ask help from above
- Turning to human wisdom and abilities
- Twisted view on things and even people, reflected in less polite or gentle behavior
- Finally, sighs under "heavy burden" and realizing, this is what some people have warned me about. At the same time, sighs expressing frustration and the inability to make a difference.

"You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek, You are my all in all."

Tired, bombarded, kind of wasted, I felt the urge to pour out my heart into this blog posting. Then, something happened. I saw that recently this blog post has been frequently visited:
SLR: An Application of Agape Principles in Chinese Culture
Amazed, this was the exact teaching I needed today! It has biblical basis, correct emphasis, and exact tools for me to deal with people around me, starting myself. The objective truth and subjective truth, the genuineness spiced with empathy, and the warm embrace of grace - all speak of the mighty God I have.

Culture shock or not, I know again where should I be heading to in those issues, practicing what  I know to be right, and draw close to the source of my joy and my strength. Thank you God for your wonderful work, your presence, your care, and your divine guidance.

 "As for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last He will take His stand on the earth."
- Job 19:25

At the last He will take His stand on the earth. smiley

Recent developments

It was hard to come up with a title for this blog post, so I apologize for the mundane title it now has. However, hopefully the pictures in this post compensates for your interest.

Life has indeed progressed most rapidly in recent months, so rapidly that I have not had time. Yes, not had time. This is of course a concept worth to be reviewed with more details, I mean the concept of "not had time". Here it acts just as an open excuse for the negligence this blog has experienced in recent months.

May went by with travels, grandma's funerals, busy working weeks, and relatives visiting us.

June went by with some travels, some busy working weeks, some visiting relatives and related bureaucracy, some self studying, and some preparatory works for small group studies.

July went by with seeing off wife and baby, intensive self studies, frequent hospital visits (non-serious nature), emergency business travel, and traveling to the other home country on earth.

The past 2 weeks has been busy with meeting friends and family, traveling, camping, re-capturing our previous life, and partially meditating on our future life. Still ahead is the last part of this holiday trip and then returning to the current home country and the everyday life there.

I am good at giving long lists of what I have done, here comes a short list of what I have found out or pondered about:
- Life in China is very hectic, too hectic. We need to do something about our life there to get things rolling smoothier.
- Life in Finland is very nice, but we do not belong here no more, at this phase.
- There are tremendous opportunities for "doing good" in China.
- There are marvelous friends in our lives, which we will treasure and appreciate.
- Loving parents and family are gifts from God.
- The Creation is so beautiful, after spending 6 months in BJ, the appreciation of pure nature grew tremendously!
- Positive attitude and a clear purpose help to sustain us, all based on the goodness and immanence of God.
- I have learned to use more superlative words to express myself. Perhaps I have now had more superlative emotions? :)

Coming and going, now we are kind of used to it. People meet us and ask when we will leave. It does not feel bad, rather very encouraging: the short moments spent together are much appreciated, and we all know that our family does not belong here, for now. Knowing where we are and why we are, it is very assuring. God is a God of assurance. He does not leave anything uncertain.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Paul's first letter to Timothy, Chapter 1, verse 9: He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. 

Paul's letter to Philippian church, Chapter 3, verses 13 and 14: Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. 

The letter to Hebrews, Chapter 3, verse 1: Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest.

Scenery (notice the magnificent clouds)

Picnic in the park, with dear friends

Picnic / swim in the beach, with dear friends, and wonderful weather

The tasty table at a birthday party. Wonderful makers of the cakes and snacks. :)

Earth and sky

Awe struck. "How great, how awesome art Thou!"

Greetings from Afar

It so happened that the month of May went by without a blog post. Perhaps I could catch up in June.

Recently we have received few greetings from back home. These greetings have come in different formats, some emails, some letters, some cards, some as useful utensils. We have been very grateful for these greetings, and they have brought tears to our eyes.

Today I received an email from an elder lady, whose family I have met only a couple of times. We have served together in her church when I have visited the town she lives in. We are not that close, but this is what made her letter so special: she was so caring and sharing, that I really felt the hearty love she and her family have towards us. Far away, they are praying for us. We share same faith, same Spirit, same God. We each have our challenges and hardships, but together we march on. Soldiers of Christ.

Yes, being far away is special, and those greetings from afar are the diamonds shining the light from above into our dusty everyday life. I treasure these greetings, I treasure these people. I treasure the family I have in Christ. What a width, length, height, and depth of the love of Christ! (Ephesians 3:18)

Thank you, and just to let you know: you are dear to us, and we also pray for you.

The fields of my home village, where I visited for grandma's funerals

Culture Shock - Beeng There Done That Wrote That Blog Post

Speaking about culture shock, someone said that first 3 months in a new place is the honeymoon phase. Then begins the culture shock phase which might last from some weeks to half a year. In my case, it seems that my culture shock arrived after 1.5 months and lasted ~4 weeks. Now I'm writing the blog post about it. :)

Culture shock meant for me:
- a sense of being lost: what am I doing here?
- feeling low
- lost the track of time usage (fortunately found it just around the corner)
- occasionally missing the quietness of my home country (on earth)

Now, as I think I've entered into the "normal" life phase, I've gained and lost things.
Gained:
- goals for the near future
- routine
- the sense of belonging
Lost:
- the close relationship with my home country (on earth) --> by this I mean the sense of belonging. I feel detached.
- some memories regarding my "previous life" in my earthly home country --> starting to forget some names of some friends, starting to forget some people and things, starting to forget.

Still not satisfied:
- time usage
- some things that are still not settled

Forgetting is deeply human, I've been told, or I've figured out. Sad but true. Fortunately, forgetting does not mean devaluation nor does it imply lack of concern. I am forgetting, but am not overlooking. I'll be trying to stay tuned and keep up the communication homeward.

In all these things, I am deeply grateful that God is here. One song that I want to sing, both deep within and aloud:
God of this City - Chris Tomlin

Looking forward to May, June, and July, and all things He will bring. :)

This is a bicycle, I wonder whether it moves better on the land or in the water. Any experiences anyone?

A Little Bit of This and That

Somehow the inspiration to write occurs often during the silence of the night. After the busy goings of the day is over, and all rational people are sound asleep, I felt the urge to write.

Our past month has gone by like the wind: quickly and in a clean manner. I do not know if our life has become too simple, or just that we are still in transition. Perhaps all that and even more.

The picture at right side is an ancient sun watch, perhaps invented in China, I don't remember. It reminds me about the uniqueness of time: though ancient, it is still valid; though immeasurable, still measured; though in the past, still in the future; though equally possessed by everyone, still weighing completely different for different people.

I'm sure about it, now: we are in transition. To settle into this new life currently means that we still have questions unanswered, things pending, processes ongoing, and sights unseen. The biggest question currently is: what should we do here? In such a vast city there are all kinds of people, huge opportunities and possibilities, huge needs and at the same time many resources available. I feel like a small detail in the midst of this buzzing society. Perhaps this is the reality I've been exposed to? Is it actually a win or a loss when I forget this feeling and get the answer I want?

All in all, I'm certain that this period of time will pass. We will figure out more about God's plan for us, and we will be busy going about the "official" business. In the mean while, we are learning to pitch our tents for His glory in everyday life. Day by day, the fragrance of Christ will spread from us to our colleagues, neighbors, friends, relatives... That is our prayer.

Life tastes good. Growth takes place also during silent periods. I learn, if I just mind to learn. God speaks, if I just mind to listen. Simple, isn't it? :)

Discussions

Despite being away, internet allows some ongoing discussion with distant friends. Here are some point I recently thought about and wrote down, perhaps they could stimulate some of you to shed your opinions?

Forewords
We should preach full gospel and what God wants for people, e.g. how should Christians live and behave for His glory. And that's it. The problem comes when things don't go in an ideal way, then we have the responsibility to look into details and find right answers for each situation.

But my claim is, that we simply do not have detailed answers for each situation, and God did not intend us to be all-knowing. If someone says those are things Bible teaches simply and plainly, OK, no problem. But when certain situations arise which these Bible passages do not actually discuss, then it is more or less a stretch to apply certain passages to certain situations. That is called interpretation, which we all do. Then it is a matter of the principles by which we interpret.

Issue 1
All these are kind of background thinking and ways of seeing things. If we talk about re-marrying issue, the first point: what happens to the marriage covenant when divorce takes place. Let's assume the case to be, that one side wants to divorce (not-real-Christian) and the other side doesn't want (real-Christian). In Finland divorce takes place when one side wants it, so it happens.
- Is the marriage covenant broken or it is still valid? This is talking in spiritual world, because legally it is broken and that's over.
- One can argue that Bible teaches that this covenant is still valid and real-Christian performs adultery if re-marries, how can this be proved by Bible? Places such as Matthew 5:31-32, 19:9, or 1. Cor. 7:10-11 do not forbid re-marriage, they only state the desire of God that marriage should not be broken. Actually Matthew passages provide an exception to allow re-marriage (which is that the not-real-Christian performs adultery and the real-Christian can re-marry).
- Conclusion: I think "correct" re-marriage is not living in sin. Please don't think I "accept" any kind of re-marriage, human lives are not black-and-white, and different people tell different stories. I refer only to the above mentioned specific case. There are many many different cases in this world, sad but true.

Issue 2
When reading the Bible, into which context do we read Bible passages? If we read the words of Jesus, they were said in certain situation to certain people, we should understand what Jesus wanted to say to those people in those situations. Otherwise we read into His words with our ideas and thoughts. So here just raising this issue, please consider it.

Issue 3
Romans 1:24-26, the passage starts with word "therefore", meaning that they are referring to previous verses (18-23), where it is clearly talking about people who do not fear God and have become fools. Bible does not say God gives up on believers, rather, Bible confirms that God does NOT forsake anyone who comes to Him (e.g. Hebr. 13:5-6, John 17:12). It is only us people who can choose to abandon our faith and abandon Christ, and that's what the letter to Hebrews really warns us about: 3:12-14, 6:4-6. Also Matt. 13:3-8 and Romans 11:17-22. So God never gives up on us, but He allows us to leave Him is we choose to. (I know this issue is debated in theology, but here I'm just trying to make the point: God does NOT forsake anyone who comes to Him)

Issue 4
Matt. 7:22-23 is more tricky, because we as people, how can we know who are really known by Jesus and who are not? Actually, it's more about who really knows Jesus and who doesn't. It is an essential point that God is not only about love and mercy, but He is certainly a God of judgement and justice. Many people, who call themselves Christians, do not want to see this side of the coin, that is sad. Actually in Matt. 7 context, Jesus discusses exactly this issue, His theme being "recognize the tree by its fruit". We can recognize people by their fruits, BUT it is often very hard to tell, especially if outwardly everything seems to be so well (as in 7:22-23). Then again, we are NOT called to judge or to know other people's heart, what Jesus said to Peter in John 21:22 applies also today: let us follow Him, and He will judge all people.

On the other hand, it is of course our responsibility to preach the full gospel and warn our brothers and sisters who are going the wrong direction, in addition to waking up the sleeping believers and calling out to the lost people. All these must be done based on God's love, not based on us being right and others being wrong. The hardship lies: how to communicate love while telling the truth? It is not as simple as listing the Bible places and stating the truth. If we really act responsibly, we first make sure that we have the loving attitude, and then we pray Holy Spirit to guide us to say and do the right things. Often the respondents do not turn from their ways, then we are like the prophets of the Old Testament: Isaiah 51:1 (Romans 10:16).

Making tents, everyday

Sitting in the airport chair, looking at the check-in queue, soon we will also check-in our huge amount of luggage, then it will be done.

After my previous post there has been many adventures and experiences, so much that I have started to feel numb about it all. We are on our way, in the air or somewhere in between, and that's it. Perhaps now is a good time to reflect on the nature of life for a tent maker.

Making tents is not about profession or exercise, it's about a way of life. When I am totally surrendered to Christ, no matter where I am and which people I meet, I will be an active testimony for Him. It's not how much I talk about Him, it's about how much I look like Him in character.

Tentmaking is easy, but it requires total submission in order to be effective. Everyday, we can either pitch our own tent or contribute to the glorious Kingdom of Christ, what will you choose?