Self-Deception - Best Friend and Worst Enemy

The landscape of our hearts? Open peaks and hidden valleys.

Now I am arriving at a topic that has long been acutely interesting to me. The reason for this interest is due to the paradoxical and multi-layered nature of the issue.

Self-deception, as Wikipedia defines it, is "highly debated and occasionally argued to be an impossible phenomenon" (accessed 18th Nov. 2012). Through this difficulty, Wikipedia has chosen the definition for Self-deception as "a process of denying or rationalizing away the relevance, significance, or importance of opposing evidence and logical argument". I will provide another aspect to this.

First of all, the opposite of self-deception could be defined as "awakening". This is my proposal. The concept of awakening implies that the self-deceived is in a state of sleeping, or living in a dream world, away from the reality and truth.

Okey, Matrix or MIB kind of movies have done a good job of enlarging our perception regarding what is "true" and what is "The Matrix". However, our capability to conceive and handle these concepts is an ample proof of our ability to live in self-deception. According to one of Triver's theories, self-deception is a side-product of our ability to think abstractly (Wikipedia). However, debate still exists whether self-deception is an innate characteristic of human nature or it is a learned trait through experience to achieve certain goals (Wikipedia).

Here I propose another root cause analysis: the human nature in its original perfect state did not comprehend false or true, because all things were true and the environment was perfect, because God the Creator was perfect. Due to the choice to disobey God, in a seemingly positive desire to learn more (about good and evil), Adam and Eve broke out from perfection and entered into so-called "abstract thinking". This new state is called "the fallen state of mankind", and it can as well be described as "the state of sin".

Now, so much about the definitions and root cause analysis, I will give some applications of this item. Applications of real life implications, let us start with a well-known psychological concept, the Johari Window:

The implications here are obvious: both the Hidden Self and Unknown Self areas of ourselves are more than vulnerable to self-deception. Of course some can argue that the Unknown Self area lies more in the sub-consciousness, thus cannot be classified as deception - how can one conceal something if not even aware of it? But looking from an objective point of view, or frankly, from Divine point of view, the facts are there even though the person is not aware of it, and it is also self-deception since the person is not aware that he is not aware of it. Getting confused? Please don't, following examples could help to clarify.

Let's take a Western lady as an example, purely imaginary. Aged around 60, she has gone through a multitude of life situations. As a Christian, she has heard about all the Biblical truths there can be preached about.
PUBLIC SELF: she is fully aware of her way of talking to others, how people perceive her as a nice lady with a tender heart, which she certainly is and knows it herself.
PRIVATE SELF: she knows things about herself which others do not know, such as a tendency to dress properly according to situations, caused by the fear of being humiliated publicly. Or, that she is a huge fan of a young and handsome pop-singer but dares not to admit it.
HIDDEN SELF: she does not know this about herself, but everybody around her observes it clearly: she is obsessed with speaking in a "correct" manner, always stressing certain vocals or using certain expressions. She might not like herself doing it if she realized it.
UNKNOWN SELF: she might have some childhood dreams which she has already forgotten, but which still affects her desires and causes her to get excited at certain thoughts or ideas, e.g. traveling to a far country somehow attracts her but she has never stepped out from her home country. Another aspect is mostly cultural, she might not be as individualistic as younger generation, but she blindly believes in the goodness and truthfulness of public authorities and media.

Then let's take a Chinese young lady as an example, purely imaginary. Aged around 20, she just started university and is dating her childhood adoration, a popular young man in the neighboring university.
PUBLIC SELF: she is successful, attractive looking, good in her studies and a good girl at home. Everybody agrees about these.
PRIVATE SELF: she has some bad habits such as chatting online with unknown guys hoping to get some fun out of it. Also, she might really hate living with her parents but cannot show it publicly because it is held as inappropriate. She might dream about running away with her handsome boyfriend but definitely cannot say it aloud.
HIDDEN SELF: others see the proud side of her, a bit arrogant in dealing with other people and some issues. Still others see her tendency to be a spoiled princess, being selfish and self-centered. Usually nobody tells her these things, even her boyfriend, because he thinks it is cute, so far.
UNKNOWN SELF: she does not recognize the imbalance inside of her, due to the culture she is immersed in. For example she used all her attractiveness to entice her current boyfriend to leave his ex-gf, and she did not pity the other girl at all, because all these seem natural to her. She will also devout herself to love her bf totally, surrendering everything to him because he is so handsome and good etc. She does not know why she loves in this way, or is this even real love? In short, she does not recognize her behavioral patterns as right or wrong, but just follows them, as everybody else does.

All the examples above might not be orthodoxy according to Johari model, but they are my applications. As this text nears its end, I am finally approaching my claims and reasons.

If the road is clear, it will be good to travel.

All over the world, I have met people from different social classes, backgrounds, age groups, religions, and family conditions. I have seen many positive traits in many people, but I have also observed many negative characteristics of many people. One of the most painful traits/characters that I have seen/experienced is Self-deception.

Self-deception is so subtle that it tarries with us long time, deceiving us, drags us from true freedom and happiness. Self-deception is not caused by others but rather by ourselves (of course the spiritual adversary and the surrounding world have their parts to play). Self-deception is the single most destructive force in individual lives, preventing us to see ourselves as we really are, putting us on a misty mountain road that is full of pits and falls. Self-deception is the single most dangerous enemy we are facing in ourselves. And we are not facing it.

Ignoring to know myself is to ignore my true self, negligence has a price to pay, if not now then eventually. How, then, can I detect self-deception and overcome the pitfalls and destructive effects it brings to my life? The answer is simple but multifaceted: Jesus. Jesus is the only man who has NOT been tangled in self-deception, and He has meant us to learn from Him, to imitate Him, to follow Him. As the perfect man and perfect God, His divinity does not take away His "accomplishments" as a man, thus here are some clues for us to challenge ourselves, to fight against self-deception：

• Acknowledge that you are vulnerable to be self-deceived
• Have motivation to become "awakened"
• Check your life, objectively compare to Jesus, and see what will you notice in yourself that you have missed earlier
• Be honest with God, and you will hear His honest words to you
• This activity requires the Holy Spirit of God - without Him this will lead to desperation and further deception
• Become teachable, find trustworthy friends/pastors/teachers/mentors to help you
• Let them tell you the truth, they are very helpful especially in the HIDDEN SELF area
• Let them instruct you according to the Bible, "work out your salvation with fear and trembling" (Paul's letter to Philippians, 2:12-13)
• "To work out what God had worked in", live in a way that manifests the saving work God has done in you. (p.42, Roger, 2004, Opening Up Philippians)
•  Find out about cultural issues that hold you back from truth
• Such as behavioral patterns, thought patterns, wrong value system, or missing links of truth
• Remember, it will be a process, but a rich and profitable process! Oh, and it takes the rest of your life time. :)
• You forsake self-deception to gain spiritual and personal growth
• You forsake falsehood to gain truth，and the truth will enable you to be free from bondage and lies
• You might loose a couple of seemingly good friends, just to gain more real good friends
• You might loose some fun, but you will gain everlasting joy and happiness

Self-deception is your best friend, when you want to embrace yourself with self-pity and indulge yourself with temporary relief of pain.
Self-deception is your worst enemy, when you want to be true to yourself and everyone around you. It is also your worst enemy on your road to personal growth, blocking your way to spiritual maturity.
Self-deception is your worst enemy if you want to fully enjoy life and have some everlasting impact in this world.

Only by knowing myself better can I better surrender myself to God.

Satisfaction and happiness

Recently China Central TV made a street survey to "regular people" with a question: Are you happy? The answers were extraordinary. Actually, I have not seen this program and have not heard the answers, except those answers which happened to be extraordinary.

For example, one 20ish student (male), who was queuing to buy a train ticket, was asked by the reporter: What do you want the most? He answered: a girl friend. Reporter: what is the worst thing you have faced so far? Answer: while talking to you, so many people have bypassed me in the queue.

If you didn't get the fun of above reply, don't worry. It's much more fun in Chinese language, haha.

Anyhow, all those extraordinary answers, but the question is actually really simple and valid. Are you happy?

In China, people have a difficulty to define happiness! Perhaps it is same in many other parts of the world. What does it mean to be happy?

Reflecting on our recent life here, contentment and satisfaction come to my mind. Reflecting on the past many years of life, continuous contentment and satisfaction have been a significant "trademark". I could define my happiness in this way: being content and satisfied. This definition rises above the changes in life situations, working environments, living locations, or any other life situations. Proudly, I think this is in line with the Biblical definition of happiness: Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth (Paul's 1st Letter to Timothy, Chapter 6, verse 6. New Living Translation).

Elaborating the thought: why happiness requires both contentment and true godliness? This would come back to the question of the definition of happiness. Relativism argues that everyone can be happy in their own way; truth argues that there is one essential factor to enable happiness, without which there will not be true happiness. Relativism argues further that how can anyone define what is true for another; truth argues that horizontally nobody can define happiness for another, but vertically God has already defined it.

Ah the wonders of our post-modern society and world. Perhaps below picture illustrates the idea of relativism. :)

Another aspect to happiness: "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." (Paul's Letter to Philippians, Chapter 4, Verses 6-7. New Living Translation)

Can it be possible? You bet. Believing is happiness! Think about a child who fully believes in the abilities of her father/mother, what a happy child! I am content, now.